The cultural differences between my life, and most of my fellow PCV friends’ lives, in America and here in Mali are vast. Many of these aspects stem from religion and tradition, both of which require me to give myself to the Malians to teach and understand so as not to offend and unknowingly burn bridges in my new home. Portions of Malian culture have been easy to adapt to: saying hello to everyone I walk past and asking after their family, drinking and making 3 strong shots of green tea at every informal and formal gathering, the ridiculously early morning call to prayers have stopped interrupting my sleep, and I have even grown accustomed to being laughed at each and every day! On the other hand, there are certain differences I still grapple with even after 10 months. I think I will always struggle with the Malian cuisine and the use of my hands for its consumption, the tendency for Malians to avoid confrontation and when forced either laugh or shout their way through it, and the slow and season-based pace and timeline for their work. Those frustrations however, come and go based on the day and my mood. Gender relations in Mali, on the other hand, continually force me to question myself, my understanding of this culture on a surface and underlying level, my Malian friends and family, and sometimes my fellow PCV friends and the ways they chose to adapt to or challenge these customs.
Ask any person who has had the pleasure of spending time with a Malian women and they will reiterate how amazing they are. In a traditional village (as is my village) a woman is expected to begin and end her day taking care of every minute detail of her, often very large, family. The bathing, the preparation for cooking, the cooking, the cleaning of the concession, home, dishes, and laundry, and the side-income generation – selling fruits, veggies, tea, shea etc. This all is done without running water, packaged foods, or electricity, and takes place in mud homes and dirt courtyards which have to be continually cleared of animal and child defecation. They have to gather wood, start and continually feed the fire to keep water hot and food cooking. I assume the women get maybe 4-5 hours of sleep a night, they are up past when I go to sleep and awake before I am awake. All of this and when meals are served the men get first dibs on all meat and hearty aspects of the food as they are seated separately from the women and children. Many women bow to the older men when serving them food or water. Much of this system stems from their religious and cultural customs that the man is the head of the household, the decision-maker, and therefore the most important in the family.
Witnessing this way of life the past 10 months has been a strange experience for me specifically because I don’t partake in most activities that are traditionally ‘women’s roles’ and yet am a woman so don’t quite fit in with the men either. I am generally given respect by the people I meet just because of the fact that I am white and from another country. I am able to sit and eat with the men but generally feel most comfortable hanging out with the 5 year old boys and the grandmas! Everyday I am asked if I can pound millet and cook toh like a Malian woman and everyday I respond that I cannot. They all tell me its no problem, that they will teach me, but I respond that I am not strong enough to do those tasks. Not physically or mentally. They laugh, but I’m not kidding. I struggle daily to make sure I am healthfully fed, clean and with clean belongings, and I eat a lot of protein bars, oatmeal, and packaged noodles and I pay someone in my family to to my laundry because they can actually get it clean. I am able to say ‘I cannot’ here because I am privileged to not have to do so and I know it.
The daily grind of a Malian woman’s schedule puts them in a place of awe to me, but the cultural issue surrounding women I most struggle with day to day is polygamy. My village is almost entirely Muslim so most men have multiple wives and if not, likely plan to. I get gasps of shock from Malian men when they hear that is not the case, nor legal, in the States. Much of this is reasoning based on an agricultural lifestyle where more wives means more children and therefore more hands in the field. However, this also means more mouths to feed and therefore less income generation from the sowing of the fields which I try to point out but ends a fruitless discussion with them laughing it off as the silly ideas of the white lady. On the other hand, I have Malians tell me they have to have the option to gain a second or third wife in case the first is ‘troublesome’. My natural response was to ask exactly what was meant by ‘troublesome’ and what recourse a woman may have if she happens to get married to a ‘troublesome’ man? My Malian friend’s response was ‘divorce’, which is laughable considering the amount of money that would require and the social status the woman would have as a consequence making it a non-option.
I know much of my problem with one man having multiple wives comes from growing up in the States and having different ideals about marriage and relationships than the people here, but I cannot seem to get past the issue that the women have no real choice in the matter. Most marriages are arranged through family and those that are chosen later are rare and still often not the woman’s choice. I suppose I’ve always had an issue with the custom in many religions and cultures that women should be submissive to men and I find that I struggle with it here more than anything else. I am trying to stay firm in my beliefs about women’s rights and abilities and sharing those views with my Malian friends and acquaintances, which is technically considered part of my job (sharing American ideals and culture with Malians). I have friends in country though, both men and women, who have seemed to see this culture, notice its difference to ours, and not have any part in sharing America’s ideas or challenging where, maybe I feel, they should have qualms.
For one, I never bow to a man in my village, no matter how old or respected in the community as I feel the custom is one that directly conflicts with my beliefs. Second, because of the fact that my Bambara is limited, I don’t speak French, and most English speakers here are limited in their ability as well, I could never foresee entering a relationship with a Malian man. There are plenty of people who do come into this experience and meet someone and decide that it is right for them. I know because of my issues around gender relations in this country that would be an incredibly hard sell and would have to be an incredibly forward thinking person who I could have conversations with about these ideas. Where my biggest question lies right now is how an American woman can come to Mali and enter into a relationship with a man who is already married and feel that they are still fulfilling their role as an American Ambassador. I get that there are gray areas with why people have been married in the first place – arrangement, financial security – but the respect issue as an American coming into a new culture and environment and entering into a relationship such as that is something I cannot entirely fathom and have been thus been mulling over my feelings about it lately and questioning why it is I feel this way. All I know is I feel sick when my work counterpart is courting his soon-to-be second wife in his home while his first wife sits next to me with their 2-month-old baby girl (most recent of 5 children) and listens to them giggle and flirt 20 feet away. Many Malian women say that it doesn’t bother them, but some are vehement that is does. I just would never be able to get past the idea that I was being incredibly disrespectful since that is not my culture or my custom and I almost feel as if its taking advantage of our societal position as ‘foreigners’ in the most negative of ways.
I am hopeful that, although this post is one that is more exploratory for myself than entirely informational or entertaining, if you read this and feel so inclined, let me know your thoughts. What experiences have you had with these types of cultural differences and how was it that you got past them or saw them in a different light…
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