My 1/4 Way Reflection

    I look down at the 7 bracelets on my arm representing the 7 months in of the 27 I will be undertaking in Mali and realize I’m just under 1/4 of the way.  Some friends say its like just yesterday that I left and my sister insists it feels like its been 5 years.  For me its somewhere in-between.  Its actually very strange to think back to my first week here and the sheer amount of change my life has experienced!  As we are getting ready for a whole new group of volunteers to come into Mali I get the chance to reflect on how much I’ve learned in this short time as well as take count of what I may have missed in my moments (that sometimes lasted weeks) of culture shock.  Every single day I still miss something from home, but I somehow don’t ever see that changing.  Nor am I entirely sure I want it to.  I hope to come home at the end of all of this appreciating how incredibly lucky I am to have an amazing support system (without which I would be home already), the unquestionable opportunity I have as an educated women in America, and the ease of access to things that I love and that make me happy.

    As I have tried to explain to close friends and family, there is almost nothing I can touch upon that is truly the same between Mali and America.  Obvious things like food, religious practices, concepts of work, and living situations are all vastly different.  However, I find myself often mulling over cultural intricacies that are hard to explain without being here.  Relationships between people (not just gendered) are somehow experienced differently.  Warmth and love are certainly shared but picking up on the ways in which it is done takes time to understand.  Respect is an incredibly salient aspect to life in Mali but grasping the whys and hows of its manifestation requires careful observation and an inquisitive nature.  Its easy as a citizen of one country, or a member of a culture or group more broadly, to quickly criticize or set on a pedestal anything different.  This experience is only solidifying the ideas I have been formulating for a while now, that no country, group, or culture has it all figured out but to be careful to seek out those ways in which your beliefs and values match with theirs, if if you can only find a single instance, as its an opportunity for learning and growth.

    Living, working, and building relationships in a place so unfamiliar, so under resourced, so simple yet complicated, while simultaneously trying to get a handle on a language to communicate through has been a whole new kind of learning for me.  I have gone from a world of specific tasks, deadlines, and un understanding of cultural norms (even if there are many I disagree with) to a place where I establish my own schedule, have lots and lots of time to sit and think (no electricity goes a long way in providing a person with such) and a new understanding of myself with a big ol side of vulnerability and doubt.  While in school I knew what I needed to do on a day to day basis, the approximate ways to accomplish most tasks, and was pretty confident that I would get it done and that it would be done well.  Now, ha, its a whole different story.  I’ve done my needs assessment with the community but the sheer vastness and variety of things that need to happen in this small rural village are overwhelming.  So much of what needs to change stems from an individual and behavior change aspect – i.e. hand washing, proper nutrition and farming techniques, providing clean drinking water to the community – that the bigger issues – i.e. increasing education for girls, gender equality generally, creating opportunities for export of Malian made goods to improve the economic status of the country – seem almost untouchable.  I realize that many of the same type of problems arise in places like the US, but experiencing the difference in scale first hand is something else entirely. 

    In so many ways though I am a much healthier person in Mali than I ever was in the States.  First of all, with easy to measure things, like exercising regularly, cooking for myself everyday, spending copious amounts of time outside and reading, but also in smaller ways.  Much can be attributed to being a product of my environment, but because I have more time (i.e. forced time) I think and I write more.  I have the luxury of time to explore my thoughts and write to myself, my friends, my family about all the change I am seeing and the news ways I see and ideas I have about life.  I see the sheer physical strength and yet genuine warmth from the women in my village and the incredible resilience and competence of the small children.  I get to explore – in my mind and in my journal – how I see this altering my perception of people.  I think anyone even spending a few days to a few weeks here would easily experience this same type of exploration.  Free time.  Its a concept not really utilized in many circles, but I’ve realized its all about perception.  People in the states often say to me they would love the chance to read all the books they have wanted to for so long, self-learn a language, and write long-hand notes to family and friends, but there are days here where I would rather pull every last hair out of my head than decide between starting ‘The Fountainhead’, ‘The Grapes of Wrath’ or just drudging through another mystery novel when my iPod is dead, I can’t write letters due to a bad mood, or I’ve had it up to my forehead with practicing my Bambara verbs.  Perspective.

    Right now I’m hopeful that with the start of my small projects in full swing and a visit back to the States in single digit months from how that time will go quickly and I will continue my learning and feel productive along the way.  I’m feeling much more confident with the Bambara language as of late and can only hope it will continue to get easier.  The small things like the animal noises and the ridiculousness of Malian music and radio have begun to bother me less and I’ve certainly gotten more competent in creative one-pot cooking and feel like my body is stronger than its ever been.  I’m still working on making genuine Malian friends ( outside of the small children in my concession) and knowing that with patience and continuing to try with language that those will come.  I know I have to ‘trust the process’ as my fellow Community Organizers would say.  In so many instances I’ve put more trust in people and things here than I ever have in my life…so now why not give it to the process of international development work?!

    Thanks for reading.  Thanks for your support.  Thanks for trusting me in this decision even when I doubt it myself.  20 months to go – keep the thoughts, love, and letters a comin’ my way’.